The day the sun didn't rise

Today the sun did not rise over San Francisco. 

Murky gray-orange haze filtered through my bedroom window instead of the cheerful sun and I stirred, disoriented and confused.

I completed my morning routine sluggishly, stepping out onto the back porch with my coffee to take it all in. The birds were not chirping or eating the grass seed my husband planted the other day. Even they were confused. 

The day grew darker with each passing hour, reaching its darkest state by about 1 o’clock in the afternoon. I wanted to crawl back into bed. Every bit of my routine felt off from working, to eating, to lessons with the kids. I honestly didn’t want to do any of it. One of my clients was spot on when she said she felt claustrophobic. That’s EXACTLY how it felt! Uncomfortable, unnatural, squeezed, held down, confined, unsettled, choky, dread. 

I didn’t see the sun all day; not even a filtered ball of red. It was completely covered from my view, and what I realized is how much I rely on the sun to govern the comings and goings of my day. Naturally, the sun tells me when to rise and when to rest, but what I experienced today made me realize that it’s faithful presence and progression in the sky unconsciously guides my daily activities.  

Then I heard God whisper to me about his Son, Jesus. Aren’t you thankful you live your life guided by my Son?

I’m so grateful for Jesus. I pledged my allegiance to Him many years ago and have lived every day since then walking in the free gift of his redemption, won for me through His death and resurrection. 

Not seeing the sun today was disorienting. How much more would my life be without Jesus, the Son, orienting my beliefs, priorities, and actions? Indeed, my life before Him was a murky gray haze guided by my own selfish desires. How much do I need Jesus! How disoriented my life becomes when I do not regard God and thank Him for being a fountain of wisdom, peace, and grace for living each and every day.

I’ve been listening to hymns a lot lately and this one rose up in my heart as my prayer today, that I would live every day, every moment of my life oriented by the Son.  

I Need Thee

Written by Annie S. Hawks and Robert Lowry, 1872 

I need thee every hour, 

Most Gracious Lord;

No tender voice like Thine

Can peace afford

I need Thee every hour

Stay Thou near by;

Temptations lose their power

When Thou art nigh. 

I need Thee every hour, 

In joy or pain;

Come quickly and abide,

Or life is vain. 

I need Thee every hour, 

Teach me Thy will;

And Thy rich promises

In me fulfill. 

I need Thee every hour, 

Most Holy One;

Oh, make me Thine indeed,

Thou blessed Son. 

I need thee, Oh I need thee

Every hour I need thee

Oh, bless me now, my Savior!

I come to thee. 

Light

I was born on winter solstice, the darkest day of the year. The short days of winter aren’t so bad while everyone has their Christmas lights up and evenings are filled with events that warm body and spirit. But when the new year arrives with quiet evenings and cold temperatures, the short days become more difficult to bear.

Monday I noticed the light is beginning to change . The sky was a pastel palette of pink and orange and baby blue all blending into one another as I drove south on 280 at dinner time.

My spirit responded in humble praise:

Thank you for the light returning.

Every week the lightness of my soul,

lifted,

carried,

A little bit longer.