Lately I’ve been reflecting on the idea of equality.
Equality is getting a lot of attention in the media these days: Equal rights, equal pay, equal opportunity, equal share of housework, and so on.
I remember when I first started thinking about equality, specifically equality in marriage. It was a few years ago and I had just read Sheryl Sandberg’s book Lean In. She had a chapter titled “Make Your Partner a True Partner” where she talks about the unequal share of housework and childcare that is still the norm for most families despite the fact that both parents work full time. I remember resonating with the frustrations she expressed. It seems the conversation around equality in marriage has gained even more attention since she wrote her book.
The concept of equality sounds like a good one to me. I nod my head and say “amen” in agreement to those who tout its benefits.
But then I notice something. When I think about life through the lens of all things being equal, I get cranky and turn into a stingy, frugal accountant. I start tallying up things like how many nights Ben has been out, and how many nights I have been in and when I see my jar near empty and his half full, I get resentful.
My heart sours toward the man I love most and replaces love and self-sacrifice with a focus on my personal need fulfillment above all else. Instead of harmony between my husband and children, I have created division and strife. All because of my desire for equal.
Then, in the midst of my negative spiral, God speaks truth:
Lay down your life.
The words of Paul from Philippians 2 are brought front and center in my soul:
“Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself…”
I get on my knees and ask God for forgiveness. I ask him to make me like Christ. I ask him to chisel away at the rough edges of my soul that are so quick to incorporate another story, another set of values, into His story, and His values to which I have pledged my allegiance.
I have to come to the conclusion that the Equality Narrative the world preaches which sounds so good and right and enticing is simply not synonymous with the Gospel Narrative.
The Equality Narrative says, “We are equal and I’m going to get what I deserve.”
The Gospel Narrative is, “Yes, you’re equal.”
“Now, lay down your life.”
On my knees my mind is renewed again, and I’m no longer concerned about tallying things up. Instead, I’m thinking about my little family as a partnership that is making life happen TOGETHER.
It’s not about Ben’s time and my time; Ben’s work and my work; his responsibilities and my responsibilities. No.
We’re in this together. His work is my work. My work is his work. Our home is our home and all the little necessities that make it run peacefully are shared, together. Not equally. But, together.
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